We've Moved!

We're shutting down and moving here

Thanks for the memories. Once again, go to http://enforcerct.blogspot.com/ and bookmark it. See you there.

The Thing That Should Not She: Misstallica!

After an endless series of whining, complaining, bitching and moaning ("boo f*cking hoo"…you got the reference, right?) I'm pleased to report I'm happy about something.

Went to see my friend's band play at the local tavern on Friday but I got there too late and missed their set.

But get this: Headlining the evening was an All Girl Metallica Cover Band. I'm not kidding. In fact, I was so sure no one would believe me that I busted out my phone and took some pictures to prove it.

Yes, I saw Misstallica.

The have a Facebook page where they describe themselves as "an all chick Metallica tribute band". When I walked into the bar, I think they were playing Fight Fire With Fire. Maybe it was Ride the Lightning. It was something from that album. The lead gal, I guess the "James Hetfield" of the operation, was wearing a Death t-shirt. OK, things are off to a great start. I'd also like to add that she was performing double duties, playing most of Hammett's solos.

These girls have pushed the female species forward by about 50 years. While the rest of you dopey broads are walking on a stairmaster to nowhere or looking for the latest deals on Groupon, the ladies of Misstallica are busy learning the dual guitar complexities of Orion and the double bass work of Trapped Under Ice. These ladies might not be Living Social, but they do know To Live Is To Die.

I really had a hard time grasping what I saw. I remember Metallica being hot sh*t with most burnouts in shop class at my high school. In the 1980's! How is it that they've managed to transcend both time and gender and be popular with a bunch of girls that couldn't be older than 20? And believe you me, these girls were hitting all the crazy hammer-ons and odd time signatures like nobody's business. I can grasp the concept of some teenage dungeons and dragons dude sitting in his bedroom getting stoned and trying to learn the solo to Battery. But a bunch of chicks? Really?????? Not that I'm not totally for this sort of thing. Did I mention they performed Orion? How many all-girl ensembles do you think were playing the song Orion on the night of May 6th? And doing it well? Not many, I'd say. The drummer's double bass work was exceptional. Made me feel like a complete idiot.

Now OK, they weren't 100% tight and the guitars could have used a tuning between songs. They hit a few clams (heh heh) but for the most part, things sounded pretty good. They do need to put a little more accentuation (Is that a word? It's a word, right? I'm going with it, spellcheck didn't flag it.) between chorus and verse. Everything seemed to meld together at times like they were just going through the motions. And at first it was like, "Cool!" But at times, the novelty started wearing thinner than Lars Ulrich's hairline.

But honestly, hearing the girls play these songs really made me realize how f*cking awesome and heavy-hittng the original incarnation of Metallica was. I mean, the speedy riffs, tempo changes and occasional odd time signatures….they weren't exactly the laziest of bands, were they? Good memories from the 80's…..let's forget about Re-Load, shall we?

Oh wait, back to Misstallica. I'm reading the rest of the Facebook writeup: "With a slightly different lineup we are also Queen Diamond the (mostly) Female Tribute Band to King Diamond and Mercyful Fate" Oh, come on! We've just gone from the sublime to the ridiculous.

I'm throwing this request out to the internet world: An all female Carcass tribute band. And be hot, dammit!

Consumer Report: B&H Photo & Video

That's right. I'm a consumer and here's my report:

I'm madder than a highway patrolman on the opening night of Fast 5 over the latest bullsh*t saga of the week.

B&H, I love you, but tonight, I really hate you.

Quick backstory: I am in the market for a nice HD monitor for my editing system. I need a screen I can reference while I'm editing now that everything has gone high def. I guess the little JVC 9" monitor isn't cutting the mustard anymore. RIP, standard def.

I found a very nicely-priced Sony 40" with 120Hz frame rate on the B&H website around 3PM. The price was around $630, $650 tops. So I put it in my "cart". But then I got pulled away for a few hours. I got back on the computer shortly after 6PM to buy it.

Lo and behold, the price has now hiked itself up to $763. ????? Are you f-ing kidding me?

So I tried calling….no phone customer service after 6. Then I got in their online chat service. I wish I saved the transcription, but I'll give you the gist of it:

Me: I put this monitor in my cart at $630 and the price has jumped up to $763 in the span of two hours. WTF????

B&H Phone dude: That was a daily special. It's over now. Putting the item in your cart doesn't mean you get it at that price.

Me: I'm tired and can't think of any witty comebacks. You guys suck!

Well now, I didn't say that last part. But I have to point out at this time I have spent thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars at B&H. Both personally, and recommending purchases for the multi-million dollar corporations I've worked for. And I wasn't gonna get into that with the online customer service. I shouldn't have to.

In my perfect world, the correct answer would have been, "Yes, I can see you wanted to buy that TV earlier today. We will honor the price of $630. I'll help you ring up that order now."

Memo to B&H: If you put an item for sale at a certain price, friggin' honor that price, at least for a 24 hour period!

So now here is an online article to crummy up your reputation, complete with tags and all. All over 100 bucks and change. And I know from experience that B&H loses their marbles whenever someone talks ill of them on message boards. So in the future, be more like Walmart and "match that price". Especially since it's your own.

Off to Costco. They've got a monitor for about the same price. And hopefully less aggravation.

*Grumble* I'm still gonna need that Blackmagic HD Link Pro from you guys….. Dammit! B&H got the world by the balls.

Do You Have What It Takes To Be a Worthless Miracle?

Hey dummy, if you can sing/shout, keep reading:

So, my friend Dan and I are in the midst of trying to put together a band. We are tentatively known as The Worthless Miracles. For the last year or so, we've been practicing in my basement. We have about 12 or 13 songs. My friend Steve comes down from time to time and KILLS IT on the bass. That dream has come to a crashing halt now that my wife and I had our second child. Infants and loud, aggressive music do not mix.

Much like when Arnie Cunningham's parents banished his beloved Christine to a storage garage, my drums are being forced out of the old homestead by the wife. But I'm not giving up without a fight. And isn't that what hardcore music is all about? Struggle? Let me tell you kids the sad truth: As a teenager, you rebelled against your parents. Now as a 39 year old man, I'm at odds with my wife over "that noise you guys make in the basement". Nothing changes, such is life.

Oh wait, where was I? Yes, we have a very good lead on a practice space in South Norwalk. NO, not SoNo. This area is much shittier. And grittier.

So we are on the hunt for a singer. We play hardcore music in the style of our favorite groups from the 80's. Some bands that come to mind to describe our style and influences would be Dag Nasty, Gorilla Biscuits, Leeway and Dag Nasty. But of course not limited to these 3 bands. That's just what I can think of off the top of my head. Dan would have a completely different list, I'm sure. I also like the stylings of Rush and Dan is a big Yes fan. You got a problem with that? Go f yourself. Don't worry, we are not good enough musicians for any prog rock talents to shine through in our music.

We have a PA and are pretty much ready to play as soon as we get this practice space thing taken care of. We like to jam on Saturday late mornings and possibly we'll be able to do one weeknight a week. We drink beer and will no doubt at the very least have a dorm-style mini-fridge full of coldies. Maybe a full bar, I'm not sure that's in the budget.

If you are in our age bracket (mid thirties/early 40's….I'm assuming anyone outside of that wouldn't be interested) drop me a message here. Or dammit, if you know someone, just forward them this link. We'd prefer it if you weren't in 17 bands already so you could focus your talents on what we're doing here. I know…this is like needle in the haystack, but I figure I'd get this up on my site before having to (heavens no!) do the Craigslist thing.

All we *really* want to do is play a few shows with great local bands like The Boardlords, District Allstarz, Arcane Malevolence and Sonic Supercharger 66. Namecheck! The scene is pretty good right now, we want to be part of it.

Graci!

PS-We may be looking for a 2nd guitarist as well.