Some Euros Ruined My Record Auction! Part Two

Alright, picking up where we left off yesterday: Let's get into the financials. As you recall, I said that I bundled up the albums into groups of 6 and 9. I think I had 13 or 14 auctions going, give or take. A few were a bust. In the chart below, you can see my winnings for the week of April 3rd.



So, not terrible. I mean, I was really happy with the results. Here's where the problems start, hence the title of this post/article.

My counsel suggested it.

I agreed with it.

US buyers only.

In general, I love my European brothers and sisters. They have fantastic taste in music, hence their infatuation with all things American Hardcore. But it's those mother-fing shipping and customs forms that queers the whole deal. Have you ever filled out a shipping form to Germany? I'd rather be back in school writing an essay! It's absolutely miserable.

So on one of my typical listings, I would have it laid out, US bidders only:



But that certainly didn't stop European bidders from asking me questions about how much to ship. And then the auctions started ending. And the offenders started rolling in: Germany. Canada. Peru. Oh God. Have you ever seen a Peruvian address? It looks like a chalkboard in that movie, A Beautiful Mind. Anything with this in the address: (Por altura de la 16 de la Av. Velasco Astete) spells trouble in my book when you have to transcribe it to a tiny customs form. In the US it's easy: 12 Main Street. Done.

It was recently brought to my attention that if someone is, say….German, they should not have an Amercian eBay account, rather they should be going to ebay.de So essentially, they are jumping through hoops and breaking the rules to establish an American account. A lot of work to be a pain in the ass to us American sellers. And something you won't realize until they win your stuff.

Back to my auction: Now, I am *reasonably* a nice guy. I was only charging 4 dollars to ship out lots of 6 or 9 records AND offering a reduced rate on multiple wins. Despite inflation running rampant in the United States, you can still ship things fairly cheap. But Christ almighty, you should have seen the rates to ship international. To ship a small box of records to Canada (or as I call them, the Euros to our north) was over $30! Are you kidding me?? This wasn't a bag of golf clubs, it's 9 lousy records in a small box. So I got hosed on that one.

I believe I promised you a pie graph. Now, my math is absolutely terrible. I'm sure this isn't dead-perfect, but it gives you an idea of the the distribution of funds. (not to mention the corporate swindling) Let's break down the numbers.



Yes, thanks to a Canadian and German bidder, I had to tack on over $60 to the shipping fees. And fill out painfully long customs forms. My problem was that I only made up slightly inflated shipping charges when I sent them the invoice. "Oh, just add $9 instead of $4." When in fact, it was a hell of a lot more. My fault entirely.

Actually on that note, here is a much more accurate pie graph of the process on a whole:



So it was a lot of time & work for about 500 bucks. And I don't really feel like I purged our house of anything substantial. If you are in the boat that I was in, take this as a lesson. You want to ship to Europe, fine…they do pay top dollar for records. Just find out up front what postage is going to cost and make sure you pass the buck to them. On second thought, I just would ship within the continental US.
Or put the records here. -->

Some Euros Ruined My Record Auction! Part One

eBay: What was once a sure-fire way to drum up some extra cash has become a deluge of fees, new rules and general aggravation. Compounding the problem is the fact that eBay is in cahoots with Paypal, thus giving them the rights to double-dip on your winnings. Greedy, scum-sucking bastards.

Now this article is geared towards a very specific demographic, and by that I mean there are probably only several hundred people that this will be relevant to. (wow, way to alienate your audience in the second paragraph, Scott) But you can continue reading it if you want, especially if you like the promise of pie charts. And Euro bashing.

But before we go any further, we need a backstory.

I'm writing this for the benefit of men like myself: Americans who were avid fans of hardcore/punk music in the 1980's and somehow managed to save the records they collected at shows and trips to various record stores. You are in your late thirties to mid forties. You are probably married. You may have children. You most likely played in a band. You are what snarky little internet kids would call an "asshole". This post is not geared toward the uber-serious fanboy record collectors with online trade lists who take their game seriously. But if that's you, you are more than welcome to keep reading and go, "What an asshole".

I mulled around with the idea of selling off my vinyl collection several months ago. Specifically, December. Heeding the advice of my consul, I held off on the auction until after the holiday madness. Hold on, why selling? The long and the short of it is that I have no real use for a record collection of any size. My turntable is long gone and iTunes has replaced the once-popular hi-fi stereo system that occupied my living room. If I want to listen to Youth of Today's "We're Not In This Alone", I've got it in mp3 form. I have close to everything I love listening to from my youth on a Western Digital external drive. Including YOT's longtime nemesis: Half Off. And why bother putting a record on a turntable when I could much easier get into this with a few clicks of the mouse?

So I turned to a good friend and former hardcore frontman for some guidance. He said, "My advice? Just consign the records to Malcolm at Trash American Style." (you know who Malcolm is, right? Because I don't have time to get into that) My friend said I should save myself the headache of dealing with:

1. A bunch of stupid hardcore kids and adult-kids who will be bidding on the records...

2. And asking incessant questions about pressings, wax colors and matrixes

3. And who will be whining "where's my stuff?"

4. And will potentially leave me negative feedback over minute details

5. And shipping them out a pain in the ass (Oh, more on that coming up)

Now those all valid points. BUT, I sold a ton of 7" records to Trash American Style in the late eighties. 100% my decision, and a dumb one at that. I didn't get the money the records were worth (didn't care at the time) and I was to be damned if I was going to make that mistake again in 2011. No, I was going to sell these discs myself and try and reap as much profit as possible.

Now, no slight to Malcolm. He is a great guy and has alway run a fantastic business. But guess what? I like MAKING MONEY as well.

How about Craigslist? No f-ing way. Over my wife's dead body is some weirdo dropping by the old homestead to peruse my vinyl collection. Oh and at this point, let me establish that the records I had were for the most part, nothing great. About a milk crate's worth of stuff from New York, DC and the like. A few Cro-Mags albums, Gorilla Biscuits, Youth of Today, Beyond, Rorschach, Dag Nasty. 7" from Warzone, Slipknot, Metallica, Rollins and Collapse. Not the rarest offerings, but musically, they kick mucho ass.

My first move was to test the waters with a few CD sales. Yes, if you didn't know already, the right compact discs are worth money. For example, I sold Leeway's 2nd album for like 30 bucks and I hear it can fetch up to $50. I also had good luck with the Into Another unreleased LP.

So one fine Sunday morning, I motivated myself to start snapping pictures of records and drawing up item descriptions on eBay. And I was f**ked if I was going to list & ship each record individually. No, for the most part, I put the records into groups of six and nine.

Oh look at that, we ran out of time. In Part Two I'll tell you how much money I made and if the whole damn thing was worth it or not. And of course, we'll get to the bottom of why this article is titled: Some Euros Ruined My Record Auction!

Today's post is brought to you by McGuinness Brand Ipecac. "If your roomate is keeping you from getting nookie, put a little McGuinness on his cookies".

Hot In Tehran

WTF is going on here? I was just taking a look at some of the visitor stats. First off, let me back up a step. A lot has changed in the Blogger world since I stopped posting here in 2008. There are all kinds of crazy charts and graphs and statistics available. For example, I know what kind of operating systems and browsers you are viewing me on. 3 people checked out the site on an iPad? Holy crap, we've hit the bigtime! Perhaps if it was some super-cool hipster reading about my Facebook Sh*tlist in a trendy NYC coffee shop. Wow, isn't technology cool? And borderline invasive? See the pie chart below:



OK, so back to my original topic: Visitor stats and pageviews by country…..USA: 179. That sounds about right. Next down on the list IRAN???? 14 views? Do they even HAVE the internet in Iran? (They do have the internet, right?)




Who the hell is reading this site from Iran? Any why? I feel like I'm a pawn in some Middle Eastern plot to take over the good 'ol USA. "We can't get Facebook accounts ourselves, so we will analyze this jerk's random observations about Facebook. And look into his movie reviews as well, he may be on to something." BTW, that guy over there on the right is scaring the crap out of me now just as much as he did when I saw him on the Channel 5 10 O'Clock News back in the late 70's.

Iranian blog visitors, I say identify yourselves now! At the very least, click on some of our fine sponsors like On Demand or Chase Blueprint.

Uh oh, I have a theory: Maybe the traffic is coming from some dopey American tourists who were caught hiking and are now imprisoned by Iranian officials. Perhaps they are checking out the site via a hidden blackberry for a much-needed laugh before the inevitable. If this is the case, we want to help you. Send us a code: Type "Bulstrode & Skarloey" in the comments section. I'll make sure an elite crack commando team is deployed to spring you out of captivity. Yes, we're sending Mr. T.

Slightly related question: Where in the hell is New Caledonia?

One last thing: Tax time is here. If you've done your returns, cash your check, go to Baskin Robbins and buy as much Tax Crunch ice cream as you can. This is not a joke, this has to be the best ice cream I've ever eaten. And the girl behind the counter will not tell you otherwise.

Today's post is sponsored by McGuiness Brand Artificial Dog Testicles. When it comes to fake dog testes, McGuiness makes the bestees.

Top 10 Most Vapid Facebook Posts

I'm so bummed. I was pretty much off Facebook. Then I got a Droid smartphone and somehow I got sucked back in to this miserable time waster. Now granted, a lot of you creative folks post interesting things: Artwork, videos, photos, photos of models (thank you) And as for you jokesters, I find some of your observations from the grocery store, workplace and funeral home hilarious.

But outweighing the good content is a copious amount of "I'm compelled to post something even though it really isn't compelling" posts. In the words of a young Debora Van Valkenburg, "You Warriors don't show me much."

So today we're turning up the nasty meter with a top ten list of posts that made me go, "Huh? Did this really need to be written?"

Just remember when you're typing up your words to blast off into the inter-sphere, I'm taking notes. And I'm certainly burning a few bridges here, but you don't make people laugh without pissing off a few of your friends.

Here we go:

10. Great day today Ohhhhhhh, good for you. As for me, I got about 43 minutes of sleep thanks to a crying & pooping newborn and a two year old who is scared of Shrek.

9. looking forward to the weekend!!! I don't need any hump day, TGIF or similar updates. If I wanted to get excited about the weekend I would listen to the music of Rebecca Black.
8. U-C-O-N-N! D-O-N-T C-A-R-E
7. Just took my first ever yoga class! Really? And this was posted by a guy!
6. Getting ready for my crazy week… How crazy? Who are you, Prince?
5. Definitely a hot chocolate morning. Now this is something I would keep to myself rather than announcing via the internet. I could see "Definitely a jaeger shot morning" or "time for some cat tranquilizers", but not this.
4. Anyone knowledgeable or interested in beekeeping? Haha, just kidding, this post is f*cking fantastic!
3. So excited about my homemade oatmeal cookies… I feel like Judd Nelson in the Breakfast Club: "Gee honey, isn't life swell?"
2. NCIS! NCIS! Wait, what? The TV show? Like the one my 66 year old parents watch? OK, let me try: "HARRY'S LAW! HARRY'S LAW!"
1. Ugh……this day is going by so slow. Last-minute entry, just had to throw it in to round out my list.

Now before everyone gets all bent out of shape, I'm just horsing around. But if you recognize your post and are offended, feel free to "de-friend" me. I won't mind. I see Facebook like a weight thing: I like to keep it around an even 300.

Today's post is brought to you by McGuinness Brand Catheters. Check out their slogan: "If you're in the hospital and need help with your piss, McGuinness is here to assist."

Netflix Movie Roundup

You know, there was a glut of films that came out in fall and early winter. I realize your time is valuable, so I've taken the trouble of doing some capsulated reviews. Hope this helps with your Netflix queue or trip to the Redbox:

Get Low-More like Get Slow.

Easy A: Easy F if we're handing out grades
It's Kind of a Funny Story-It's kind of a crappy story. Whycome that Zach Galifantheopopoulaslisakis is in like EVERY movie that comes out?

(more importantly, why didn't spellcheck flag "whycome"?)
Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps-Money may never sleep, but I passed out at the 35 minute mark
The Town If I wanted to see a bunch of people shooting machine guns at each other w/o a kill count, I'd watch the A Team
I'm Still Here- "I'm not", said the audience

Unstoppable- Unwatchable

Skyline-How about a plotline? The film's creators deserve a thorough alien probing

True Grit-True shi…ahhh, too easy

Stone-Stupid

Twelve-On a scale of 1 to 10? Zero

Love And Other Drugs-I'd love it if there were a drug that would make me forget I saw this crap

Cyrus-Marisa Tomei does another indy, but this time doesn't get topless. Avoid

Tron: Legacy-This generation's Ben Hur

Morning Glory-Like Network, but with more montages of Rachel McAdam running in high heels

Faster-The Cleveland Cavaliers of action movies

The Tourist-Worse than a New Orleans timeshare

Grown Ups-The actors must have used this as an excuse to go on vacation, no joke

Eat Pray Love-Eat Pray Puke (Review stolen from the NY Post….Zing!)

The Switch-Jennifer Anniston is still doing romantic comedies? Evidence there may be no God

Fair Game-Oh great, they finally made the Valerie Plame thing into a movie, oh and it stars Sean Penn, awesome

That's it for this installment. Take my word as gospel before you hit the "add" button. We'll catch up when they release that next Fast and the Furious movie.

NCAA Observations From the Last Person Who Should Be Making Them

Hey it must be spring right? Time for March madness. Say, did you ever see the game where the one team had a 10 point lead going into the half? And then they totally blow it and the rival team catches up? Everything is tied up at the final minute of play. And then the original team wins it after that sixty seconds is dragged into 25 minutes of personal fouls, time outs, coach con-fabs and crappy commercials. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I mean, Go Huskies! (I'm more excited about the upcoming AHL game in my neighborhood, but that's just me)


Observation: Is it just me or do players these days have some serious tattoo work? Is this an NCAA tournament or a Sturgis bike rally? It used to be guys had one tribal tattoo and maybe the Tasmanian Devil. Now everyone looks like WWE's The Undertaker.

Next topic: I'm really cleaning up in my eBay auctions. I made a killing on what I would refer to as the "posi-core" lot, with bands like Youth of Today (wishing Well pressing) Beyond, Gorilla Biscuits, Up Front (Hi Jeff & Jon!) and Verbal Assault. While it pains me to part with these records. (kinda) I think it's time to give them a new home. Plus I no longer have a turntable thanks to some clumsy, stupid movers. But that's going back a few years. I'll be curious to see what this Slipknot 7" goes for. Ha ha. How 'bout those two Metallica 45's? Oh man, back in the day I thought I'd be able to sell those one fine day and buy a palatial mansion. What will I get for them? 20 bucks? No bids? Yeah, I'm going with no bids. Don't care, I've done quite well off all the other stuff.

Good God, this post has become some kind of HTML nightmare. My eyes are killing me, I don't want to be in the Matrix anymore, give me the blue pill!

Daylight Savings? More Like CRAPlight Savings

Good God. The last time I posted here was way back in 2009. There have been a few requests for my unique style of writing, I believe one friend went so far as to proclaim, "You need a blog, yo." Well, it's back, yo. Prepare to be underwhelmed.

Problem area: This daylight savings thing. "Oh yay! They moved Daylight Savings up by a month. Now it's light out!" But big f-ing deal, you dope. Cuz it's still winter out and it's freezing. Yeah, I suppose you can go outside, but do you really want to? Unless you're going snowshoeing or something.  And BTW,  everyone is dragging ass Monday morning cuz surprise, surprise....the sun still isn't up.  Ugh.  What's going on here is the seasonal equivalent of shooting your load too early. And who's behind this change to the Daylight Saving Manifesto? Our 43rd and worst president, that's who:

"A U.S. law signed by President George W. Bush in 2005 extended the length of daylight saving time by four weeks. It now begins at 2 a.m. on the second Sunday in March. It ends on the first Sunday in November."
Yup, here we go…. just another in a series of bad policy moves, poor decisions and crappy leadership. Don't worry, this isn't turning into one of those lefty-leaning blogs. I hate everyone equally and as far as I'm concerned, you're all wrong!

Back to topic: They should move Daylight Savings back to April, so it's warm out, it's worth getting excited about and all that jazz. What was the reason for doing this again? For the farmers? To save energy?

"Studies done in the 1970s by the U.S. Department of Transportation show that we trim the entire country's electricity usage by about one percent EACH DAY with Daylight Saving Time."

Zzzzzzzzzzz. Who cares? What's one percent gonna solve in the big picture?

Oh and another thing while I've got your attention. Yes, I know the correct wording is "Daylight Saving", but you can kiss my ass. Daylight Savings sounds better, so I'm going with it. I know you think you're so smug for using the correct terminology, but the rest of us are saying it the cool way.

IN CLOSING: Mr Obama, I'm warning you with Peace and Love, look into making things right again. Repeal this dumb law and move Daylight Savings back to April! Wait, I just had a revelation: Screw it, I'm just going to set my clocks back an hour. So if I'm late for events until sometime mid April, pardon me all over the place.

OK, that's it for me….wait! One final rant: Who gives a f*&% about Opening Day? 234 of my Facebook friends, that's who! People get so excited about a bat and ball, you'd think they were the ones getting the 21 million dollar salaries.