AdSense? I Call It Nonsense!

I'm madder than a Filipino immigrant at a cancelled Far East Movement concert. Get this: Google disabled my AdSense account. Take a look at my site, you may notice a cleaner, more streamlined look. (The writing remains clunky) What's missing? The blipping, blinking flash-driven messages, trying to separate you from your hard-earned dollars. In their place is a big 'ol piece of negative space.

On Wednesday afternoon I received an email from Google AdSense. They claim my blog "poses a risk of generating invalid activity". So I guess running advertisements on my site was a roller coaster ride that lasted all of about a week. I'd like to say it was fun while it lasted, but dammit, I never so much as got a payout!

Now in their rules and regulations, they strictly forbid users from clicking on their own advertisements. Not a problem. Never did that. But they also say you can't hype your site and encourage your viewers to click. Uh oh.

But wait….who's to say what's a valid click or not? Wasn't Kat thinking about booking a flight or four on Icelandic Air? Perhaps Bunny forgot he already had a Netflix membership and accidentally opened that link 20 or 30 times. Skow is a big stock footage buff. Can you blame him for repeatedly looking at the Pond 5 website? I can't keep track of all my viewer's comings and goings, can I?

WTF happened to the true spirit of advertising? Why would we be putting these ads on our sites if the goal was NOT to have people look at them? "Enjoy my article, but ignore the 800 pound gorilla in the room, AKA that blinking Pizza Hut ad. That's right, do anything but support my sponsors." At this time I would like to thank all my friends/fans for hitting this site so hard over the last week. Although, maybe you hit it a little too hard.

I almost forgot, they give you the option to "appeal" the revocation. You fill out a quick form. After about 3 or 4 minutes I got a reply that amounted to, "Nice try, asshole." Please.

I'm calling horsesh*t on Google AdSense and if they want to shut this blog down, fine by me. I was only interested in posting here again with the promise of easy money. Damn, I had allegedly "made" about $140 in one week's time. Multiply that over a month's worth of posts, not a bad way to make some money on the side. Too good to be true, and you know these guys didn't want to pay me out.

BTW, How did they determine clicks are fraudulent? The fact that this is Google, I wouldn't be surprised if they have their spies all up in in everybody's business. Rooting through email, Facebook, texts and so on. My conspiranoia runs deep…..

"Your outstanding balance and Google's share of the revenue will both be fully refunded back to the affected advertisers." Oh really? You mean you're paying yourself back? That's mighty white of you.

I'll always cherish the memories of checking the "monetize" tab on a daily basis. When I saw those dollar amounts accruing, I was as giddy as the two guys in the movie Middle Men who created billable adult entertainment.

If you are running a site on Blogger, heed my advice: They will revoke your AdSense account just as quickly as they set it up. Don't click on your own ads, don't encourage your readers to click on the ads. There will be no friendly warning, they will just shut you down ASAP. This is a Catch 22: If you don't hype the site, you won't get paid. But if you DO hype the site, you won't get paid.

Hot In Tehran

WTF is going on here? I was just taking a look at some of the visitor stats. First off, let me back up a step. A lot has changed in the Blogger world since I stopped posting here in 2008. There are all kinds of crazy charts and graphs and statistics available. For example, I know what kind of operating systems and browsers you are viewing me on. 3 people checked out the site on an iPad? Holy crap, we've hit the bigtime! Perhaps if it was some super-cool hipster reading about my Facebook Sh*tlist in a trendy NYC coffee shop. Wow, isn't technology cool? And borderline invasive? See the pie chart below:



OK, so back to my original topic: Visitor stats and pageviews by country…..USA: 179. That sounds about right. Next down on the list IRAN???? 14 views? Do they even HAVE the internet in Iran? (They do have the internet, right?)




Who the hell is reading this site from Iran? Any why? I feel like I'm a pawn in some Middle Eastern plot to take over the good 'ol USA. "We can't get Facebook accounts ourselves, so we will analyze this jerk's random observations about Facebook. And look into his movie reviews as well, he may be on to something." BTW, that guy over there on the right is scaring the crap out of me now just as much as he did when I saw him on the Channel 5 10 O'Clock News back in the late 70's.

Iranian blog visitors, I say identify yourselves now! At the very least, click on some of our fine sponsors like On Demand or Chase Blueprint.

Uh oh, I have a theory: Maybe the traffic is coming from some dopey American tourists who were caught hiking and are now imprisoned by Iranian officials. Perhaps they are checking out the site via a hidden blackberry for a much-needed laugh before the inevitable. If this is the case, we want to help you. Send us a code: Type "Bulstrode & Skarloey" in the comments section. I'll make sure an elite crack commando team is deployed to spring you out of captivity. Yes, we're sending Mr. T.

Slightly related question: Where in the hell is New Caledonia?

One last thing: Tax time is here. If you've done your returns, cash your check, go to Baskin Robbins and buy as much Tax Crunch ice cream as you can. This is not a joke, this has to be the best ice cream I've ever eaten. And the girl behind the counter will not tell you otherwise.

Today's post is sponsored by McGuiness Brand Artificial Dog Testicles. When it comes to fake dog testes, McGuiness makes the bestees.