We've Moved!

We're shutting down and moving here

Thanks for the memories. Once again, go to http://enforcerct.blogspot.com/ and bookmark it. See you there.

The Thing That Should Not She: Misstallica!

After an endless series of whining, complaining, bitching and moaning ("boo f*cking hoo"…you got the reference, right?) I'm pleased to report I'm happy about something.

Went to see my friend's band play at the local tavern on Friday but I got there too late and missed their set.

But get this: Headlining the evening was an All Girl Metallica Cover Band. I'm not kidding. In fact, I was so sure no one would believe me that I busted out my phone and took some pictures to prove it.

Yes, I saw Misstallica.

The have a Facebook page where they describe themselves as "an all chick Metallica tribute band". When I walked into the bar, I think they were playing Fight Fire With Fire. Maybe it was Ride the Lightning. It was something from that album. The lead gal, I guess the "James Hetfield" of the operation, was wearing a Death t-shirt. OK, things are off to a great start. I'd also like to add that she was performing double duties, playing most of Hammett's solos.

These girls have pushed the female species forward by about 50 years. While the rest of you dopey broads are walking on a stairmaster to nowhere or looking for the latest deals on Groupon, the ladies of Misstallica are busy learning the dual guitar complexities of Orion and the double bass work of Trapped Under Ice. These ladies might not be Living Social, but they do know To Live Is To Die.

I really had a hard time grasping what I saw. I remember Metallica being hot sh*t with most burnouts in shop class at my high school. In the 1980's! How is it that they've managed to transcend both time and gender and be popular with a bunch of girls that couldn't be older than 20? And believe you me, these girls were hitting all the crazy hammer-ons and odd time signatures like nobody's business. I can grasp the concept of some teenage dungeons and dragons dude sitting in his bedroom getting stoned and trying to learn the solo to Battery. But a bunch of chicks? Really?????? Not that I'm not totally for this sort of thing. Did I mention they performed Orion? How many all-girl ensembles do you think were playing the song Orion on the night of May 6th? And doing it well? Not many, I'd say. The drummer's double bass work was exceptional. Made me feel like a complete idiot.

Now OK, they weren't 100% tight and the guitars could have used a tuning between songs. They hit a few clams (heh heh) but for the most part, things sounded pretty good. They do need to put a little more accentuation (Is that a word? It's a word, right? I'm going with it, spellcheck didn't flag it.) between chorus and verse. Everything seemed to meld together at times like they were just going through the motions. And at first it was like, "Cool!" But at times, the novelty started wearing thinner than Lars Ulrich's hairline.

But honestly, hearing the girls play these songs really made me realize how f*cking awesome and heavy-hittng the original incarnation of Metallica was. I mean, the speedy riffs, tempo changes and occasional odd time signatures….they weren't exactly the laziest of bands, were they? Good memories from the 80's…..let's forget about Re-Load, shall we?

Oh wait, back to Misstallica. I'm reading the rest of the Facebook writeup: "With a slightly different lineup we are also Queen Diamond the (mostly) Female Tribute Band to King Diamond and Mercyful Fate" Oh, come on! We've just gone from the sublime to the ridiculous.

I'm throwing this request out to the internet world: An all female Carcass tribute band. And be hot, dammit!

Consumer Report: B&H Photo & Video

That's right. I'm a consumer and here's my report:

I'm madder than a highway patrolman on the opening night of Fast 5 over the latest bullsh*t saga of the week.

B&H, I love you, but tonight, I really hate you.

Quick backstory: I am in the market for a nice HD monitor for my editing system. I need a screen I can reference while I'm editing now that everything has gone high def. I guess the little JVC 9" monitor isn't cutting the mustard anymore. RIP, standard def.

I found a very nicely-priced Sony 40" with 120Hz frame rate on the B&H website around 3PM. The price was around $630, $650 tops. So I put it in my "cart". But then I got pulled away for a few hours. I got back on the computer shortly after 6PM to buy it.

Lo and behold, the price has now hiked itself up to $763. ????? Are you f-ing kidding me?

So I tried calling….no phone customer service after 6. Then I got in their online chat service. I wish I saved the transcription, but I'll give you the gist of it:

Me: I put this monitor in my cart at $630 and the price has jumped up to $763 in the span of two hours. WTF????

B&H Phone dude: That was a daily special. It's over now. Putting the item in your cart doesn't mean you get it at that price.

Me: I'm tired and can't think of any witty comebacks. You guys suck!

Well now, I didn't say that last part. But I have to point out at this time I have spent thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars at B&H. Both personally, and recommending purchases for the multi-million dollar corporations I've worked for. And I wasn't gonna get into that with the online customer service. I shouldn't have to.

In my perfect world, the correct answer would have been, "Yes, I can see you wanted to buy that TV earlier today. We will honor the price of $630. I'll help you ring up that order now."

Memo to B&H: If you put an item for sale at a certain price, friggin' honor that price, at least for a 24 hour period!

So now here is an online article to crummy up your reputation, complete with tags and all. All over 100 bucks and change. And I know from experience that B&H loses their marbles whenever someone talks ill of them on message boards. So in the future, be more like Walmart and "match that price". Especially since it's your own.

Off to Costco. They've got a monitor for about the same price. And hopefully less aggravation.

*Grumble* I'm still gonna need that Blackmagic HD Link Pro from you guys….. Dammit! B&H got the world by the balls.

Do You Have What It Takes To Be a Worthless Miracle?

Hey dummy, if you can sing/shout, keep reading:

So, my friend Dan and I are in the midst of trying to put together a band. We are tentatively known as The Worthless Miracles. For the last year or so, we've been practicing in my basement. We have about 12 or 13 songs. My friend Steve comes down from time to time and KILLS IT on the bass. That dream has come to a crashing halt now that my wife and I had our second child. Infants and loud, aggressive music do not mix.

Much like when Arnie Cunningham's parents banished his beloved Christine to a storage garage, my drums are being forced out of the old homestead by the wife. But I'm not giving up without a fight. And isn't that what hardcore music is all about? Struggle? Let me tell you kids the sad truth: As a teenager, you rebelled against your parents. Now as a 39 year old man, I'm at odds with my wife over "that noise you guys make in the basement". Nothing changes, such is life.

Oh wait, where was I? Yes, we have a very good lead on a practice space in South Norwalk. NO, not SoNo. This area is much shittier. And grittier.

So we are on the hunt for a singer. We play hardcore music in the style of our favorite groups from the 80's. Some bands that come to mind to describe our style and influences would be Dag Nasty, Gorilla Biscuits, Leeway and Dag Nasty. But of course not limited to these 3 bands. That's just what I can think of off the top of my head. Dan would have a completely different list, I'm sure. I also like the stylings of Rush and Dan is a big Yes fan. You got a problem with that? Go f yourself. Don't worry, we are not good enough musicians for any prog rock talents to shine through in our music.

We have a PA and are pretty much ready to play as soon as we get this practice space thing taken care of. We like to jam on Saturday late mornings and possibly we'll be able to do one weeknight a week. We drink beer and will no doubt at the very least have a dorm-style mini-fridge full of coldies. Maybe a full bar, I'm not sure that's in the budget.

If you are in our age bracket (mid thirties/early 40's….I'm assuming anyone outside of that wouldn't be interested) drop me a message here. Or dammit, if you know someone, just forward them this link. We'd prefer it if you weren't in 17 bands already so you could focus your talents on what we're doing here. I know…this is like needle in the haystack, but I figure I'd get this up on my site before having to (heavens no!) do the Craigslist thing.

All we *really* want to do is play a few shows with great local bands like The Boardlords, District Allstarz, Arcane Malevolence and Sonic Supercharger 66. Namecheck! The scene is pretty good right now, we want to be part of it.

Graci!

PS-We may be looking for a 2nd guitarist as well.

Forgotten DVDs: ¡Oye Esteban!

I am what you would call a "casual" Morrissey fan, if there is such a thing. Usually his music/persona is met with either violent outrage or extreme super-fandom. I'm somewhere in the middle. And only really familiar with his work in the 90's. I've seen him in concert a few times but don't know anything about his later albums such as Age of Quarry or Ringleader of the Toreadors. But there is something about this kindly English gentleman and his music that united everyone from new wavers to hardcore punks to even metalheads. (OK, maybe not the metalheads so much)

Last week, a friend posted a cryptic Facebook message with a Mozzer lyric, which inspired me to bust out the old DVD ¡Oye Esteban! which is a collection of 19 of his music videos. I had not so much as listened or viewed this DVD since the year 2001. AND good God, some of these videos have to be well over 20 years old. Time flies!

The first thing I've noticed is that music videos from the 80's and 90's don't move as fast as their 21st century counterparts. Less shots, less quick cuts, less pomp and circumstance. Nowadays with cheaper production crews and better editing equipment, you can cram way more sh*t into a five pound sack. Plus kids today have a very short attention span, so it's cut, cut, cut, cut. Things move along in a more relaxed pace in these here vids.

So the weekend is almost here and I know a lot of you are ready to party. On that note, here's a few thoughts on select videos from this forgotten DVD. I have a limited window and don't have the time to review everything. I can only let my kid watch the Fresh Beat Band for so long…..

Let's talk about the DVD itself.

First off, about the lamest authoring. Just a scan of the cover and the videos start playing. No extras, no cool menu. And I'll be damned if I can find any supplementals or Easter Eggs. Oh, these videos are classic 720X480. No widescreen 16X9. Hello pillarbox. The dancing Warner Reprise logo is vintage 80's though.

Everyday is Like Sunday: CRUELTY WITHOUT BEAUTY Ha ha, the vegetarian girl is terrorizing old ladies wearing fur coats. Oh look, she has those vintage yellow Sony Walkman headphones! Then her mom picks her up and takes her home. I love European dashboards. Nice, they have carpeting in their kitchen. Name of show on the telly?

Suedehead: The stuff that 120 Minutes dreams are made of.

Last of the Famous International Playboys: OK, this slipped by me the first time I saw this: Moz and the band are on some kind of green screen set. But they ain't keyed out. Did the producers and editors decide it wasn't worth the work? It would have been a bitch for the editor to key this with all the handheld shots and zooms. Plus all the wrinkles in the screen….absolutely maddening.

My Love Life: The boys go to Vegas and drive around in a Rolls Royce. Classically great.

Sing Your Life: I've never seen so many cuts from the lead singer to…the lead singer. The hair was at an all-time high.

Seasick, Yet Still Docked: Production values & stylization started picking up around Your Arsenal. Great lighting, depressing vintage home movies. Good.

We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful: Good video with a few odd editing choices. The steadicam work would get better in videos to come. It's a little wonky here.

Glamourous Glue: Not much to say about the visuals. I would like to backtrack and say what a great career move it was when Morrissey picked up this backing band and "heavied" up his sound. Not that I don't like the earlier hits, but damn, these guys are good.

Tomorrow: Great steadicam one-shot video. I always loved this. Would today's youth possibly have the attention span to sit through it? Sweet Jesus! An IMDB search tells me that Zack "300" Snyder directed. Could this music video possibly be more different than his seizure-enducing film work?

The More You Ignore Me the Closer I Get: More excellent lighting. If anyone can find me a room with those lights suspended from the ceiling I would be appreciative. I want to rip this look off for a video of my own!

Dagenham Dave: The mere shot of a classic English pub has me fancying a pint. Unfortunately due to old age, failing health and the onset of children, I can only drink about one beer before getting a hangover. Ugh, getting old sucks. Back to the video, I love it when Moz ruins their game of snooker!

The Boy Racer: One of my favorites of all time. We begin with stylized, strobed shots of some amazing instruments and amps. WTF, is this an AC-DC video??? OK, no, there's the Mozzer. Great lighting, great performance shots, slightly marred by a stupid subplot. Wait, what did that guy just put in his car stereo? Oh, it was a cassette. OK, it is funny when Morrissey gets pulled over. Play this one at loud volumes.

OK, that's it. Moz fans. Leave your kind thoughts in the comments section. Grazie!

My Paranoia Continues!

I'm more confused than my father-in-law at a TV on the Radio concert about the latest development with this blog.

As you recall from my last post, my AdSense privileges were revoked because I allegedly abused the system. You can read all about that here.

Which leads me to today's discovery. If you go into "Stats" on the tabs bar or whatever you call it, you can see which posts people are reading. The stats show absolutely NO activity on the post where I talked about my experience with Google, Blogger and AdSense. Now I know from talking to people in real life, they've read the article. So whycome Blogger won't acknowledge that people are viewing this specific post?

BTW, these numbers are an absolute toilet dump. I need to boost the ratings. If this blog was a TV show, it would be Outsourced. Well at least someone is interested in all those Boardlords videos I shot.

So back to topic, what is going on here? The post appears to be nonexistent. I'm starting to fear I will be too if I keep poking fun at the Google empire. (even if it is in a comical, lighthearted manner!)

So if they come and take me in the middle of the night, I'm putting Bunny in charge. Tell the world my story.

On a totally unrelated note, I see that Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marion Cotillard have joined the cast of the 'The Dark Knight Rises', directed by Christopher Nolan.

Holy cronyism, Batman!

What, let me guess, is the Caped Crusader going to go into a dream world….within a dream world???? Zzzzzzzzz…….

I guess while I'm waiting I can tide myself over by going to see Thor. Or this one:

Excuse me, what in Heaven's name is going on with this new X-Men movie they're hyping up? All I know is that January Jones (that miserable, but very hot housewife from Mad Men) will be in it, and she looks like a 70's porn star. For that, I might watch.

I'm reading about fake movie posters, fake trailers….Now that every 13 year old kid with a computer is up to online nonsense, I don't know what is real or what to believe anymore.

AdSense? I Call It Nonsense!

I'm madder than a Filipino immigrant at a cancelled Far East Movement concert. Get this: Google disabled my AdSense account. Take a look at my site, you may notice a cleaner, more streamlined look. (The writing remains clunky) What's missing? The blipping, blinking flash-driven messages, trying to separate you from your hard-earned dollars. In their place is a big 'ol piece of negative space.

On Wednesday afternoon I received an email from Google AdSense. They claim my blog "poses a risk of generating invalid activity". So I guess running advertisements on my site was a roller coaster ride that lasted all of about a week. I'd like to say it was fun while it lasted, but dammit, I never so much as got a payout!

Now in their rules and regulations, they strictly forbid users from clicking on their own advertisements. Not a problem. Never did that. But they also say you can't hype your site and encourage your viewers to click. Uh oh.

But wait….who's to say what's a valid click or not? Wasn't Kat thinking about booking a flight or four on Icelandic Air? Perhaps Bunny forgot he already had a Netflix membership and accidentally opened that link 20 or 30 times. Skow is a big stock footage buff. Can you blame him for repeatedly looking at the Pond 5 website? I can't keep track of all my viewer's comings and goings, can I?

WTF happened to the true spirit of advertising? Why would we be putting these ads on our sites if the goal was NOT to have people look at them? "Enjoy my article, but ignore the 800 pound gorilla in the room, AKA that blinking Pizza Hut ad. That's right, do anything but support my sponsors." At this time I would like to thank all my friends/fans for hitting this site so hard over the last week. Although, maybe you hit it a little too hard.

I almost forgot, they give you the option to "appeal" the revocation. You fill out a quick form. After about 3 or 4 minutes I got a reply that amounted to, "Nice try, asshole." Please.

I'm calling horsesh*t on Google AdSense and if they want to shut this blog down, fine by me. I was only interested in posting here again with the promise of easy money. Damn, I had allegedly "made" about $140 in one week's time. Multiply that over a month's worth of posts, not a bad way to make some money on the side. Too good to be true, and you know these guys didn't want to pay me out.

BTW, How did they determine clicks are fraudulent? The fact that this is Google, I wouldn't be surprised if they have their spies all up in in everybody's business. Rooting through email, Facebook, texts and so on. My conspiranoia runs deep…..

"Your outstanding balance and Google's share of the revenue will both be fully refunded back to the affected advertisers." Oh really? You mean you're paying yourself back? That's mighty white of you.

I'll always cherish the memories of checking the "monetize" tab on a daily basis. When I saw those dollar amounts accruing, I was as giddy as the two guys in the movie Middle Men who created billable adult entertainment.

If you are running a site on Blogger, heed my advice: They will revoke your AdSense account just as quickly as they set it up. Don't click on your own ads, don't encourage your readers to click on the ads. There will be no friendly warning, they will just shut you down ASAP. This is a Catch 22: If you don't hype the site, you won't get paid. But if you DO hype the site, you won't get paid.